Often, we go through this discovery process of ourselves and the journey that we are experiencing. In one such consideration of life, my life, I believe I recognized the path of lack and unacceptable acceptance I have been on my entire life.
Take for instance, the obvious one, relationships. I can remember back as far as my first high school “official” boyfriend, Tracy Ludgood (I think). I just remember the Ludgood, because somehow, he had become known as Tracy “Looking Good”. Again, as I think back, my selection process has improved immensely. Anyway, what I remember is him cheating. Well, as much as a cheat can go at 15 years old. My mom and I were leaving the house and driving down Goodfellow Avenue, and who do I see walking towards his house with a particularly good friend of mine, Tracy. Of course, Cheryl likely didn’t know Tracy and I were dating. Remember, we were all relatively young and not allowed to date. Cheryl and I played basketball together, although she was better at the game than I was.
Anyway, the point of the matter. It was likely the first time I experienced infidelity in a relationship. It was the happening that generated a lifelong path of infidelity throughout my entire life. As I scribe these words, I honestly cannot remember a relationship where there wasn’t infidelity of some sort. Because I can remember this and others so very vividly, I immediately take to the belief that these instances were not of my doing, but they were the choices I made from an engrained innate understanding.
Don’t misinterpret what these words are saying and don’t feel sorry for me. This is a moment of real clarity that took me over 40 years to achieve. In consideration of every man that has cheated during our time together, it wasn’t them, it was what I was willing to accept. Again, I am not dismissing the actions, but my acceptance of a behavior that had existed within myself.
I remember the words of my mother, “Oh, he’s just being a man. It will past. Let him do what he feels he needs to do.” Another one, “Men aren’t inherently prone to be with more than one woman.” …WHAT?? There is acceptance within me. I intentionally without knowing accepted a behavior that did not suit me, myself. It was as if I was being told to allow behavior that was not pleasing to my space. This not only laid a foundation of behavior for me in personal relationships but within professional ones as well. How very odd? The discovery processes.
I have spent YEARS being told the expectation, working to achieve and surpass the expectation only to be told about the next higher expectation that I need to achieve. It’s a never-ending battle of accepting the unacceptable. It is truly a life of lack based on the necessity of others. We are living and thinking too small.
As I considered this eye-opening occurrence in my life and how to change it, I also recognized the acceptance of illness, aging, waiting, and the “when I” behavior. You know, “When I get a new job, I am going to live better”, “When I lose weight, I am going to be healthier”, and one of the best ones, “When I get married, I will be happy” …. Ooooooo Chile!
Even infomercials have given me an understanding of living in lack. Infomercials spend so much time telling you what you are missing, this perfect pill will satisfy all your issues with your prostate, your blood pressure, your anxiety, your weight, your emotional health…All for $39.95 (inflation). The list of limiting fabrications that have been engrained in us since childhood. I am certain I have likely passed these ideas and traits onto my children inadvertently and completely unintentionally. I can clearly state the obvious and begin the process of removing the mental decalcification within myself and those around me.
Why do I have to finish what I start? If I don’t like it, let me move on to something I enjoy. Is there harm in that? Be patient, your time will come. What am I being patient for? Oh, because you told me I needed to be patient. The Universe supplies us with all the joy and happiness we desire, we just need to step out and claim it.
Even as I observe the medical encounters in Desiree’s story, I identify limits placed upon us (Desiree) within the medical industry. It’s within their own personal boundaries and understanding that we accept with heaviness, the ultimate outcomes of Desiree’s need for a heart transplant. We have even adjusted our beliefs to accommodate their limits. You have all heard us say, “Someone has to die in order for Desiree to receive a heart”. Is that the Universe or is that the acceptance of the unacceptable? How about our perspective….” The Universe has provided Desiree with exactly what she needs, and it is available to her exactly when she needs it”? The Universe (God, Faith) whatever we want to call it, has IT available for us, we must align with it, move into it, accept it as ours, and move forward with the understanding, belief and wholeness that we have it. It’s a matter of changing our dependence on what we have been conditioned to believe.
As a young woman raising two sons, working a very grueling job in management with a work schedule of 60+ hours per week, while trying to finish my education, and date, I was always exhausted and busy. Although I was incredibly involved in the lives of my sons, I also feel like I missed being “PRESENT” in their lives. It felt more routine behavior as opposed to being accessible to them. I so eagerly wanted them to have the EVERYTHING. When I think I recognize that I was what they needed. I was the EVERYTHING. Being present is more important than the EVERYTHING. It is truly not about the perfection in your effort, but the EFFORT in your PRESENCE.
Here’s the reality for me. We can only move in a position of knowing what’s available for us. What’s available is what we desire, and what we are willing to commit to achieving. It’s the committed work without the words. The Universe is specifically here for you, for me and for anyone willing to adjust out of the behavior that has kept us bound for centuries. Seek that which is already in you!