The Mother Daughter Life - My Daughter's Ability to Breathe

Updated: Oct 28, 2020

I often think about the relationships and the people I know and have met throughout my 50+ years of life. I am amazed and impressed about the personalities that have graced my life, enhance my present and continue to influence my future.

In reflective thinking, I realize that many people have created this being that my family now deals with on a daily. The ever-changing person that is Mom, Mate, GRAM, Sister, Daughter, Friend, and those probably not worthy of listing. I know what it feels like to chase the quintessential dream concept of being a woman or others interpretation of being a woman. Trying with all your effort to live up to the expectations of others. It is a challenge. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE knows who you are, who you should be and what you are destined to become. It’s like the stories of Joe Jackson and Michael, Abraham Quintanilla and his daughter Selena. What expectations and influences?

A few weeks ago, my daughter came downstairs during a Remote E-Learning break in tears. I immediately cradled her in my arms inquiring about the reason for the flood of tears. She simply replied, “I just don’t want you to be mad at me.” Of course, this flooded my heart with emotions and I just pulled her a little closer and explained, “The only time that I would ever be disappointed is if you consciously decide to give up.” I furthered attempted to reassure that she, above all my children, could never disappoint me or make me so mad that we couldn’t move past it and grow from it. Then we went through the daunting task of figuring through 8th grade math. I think I cried more than she did…. GEEZ!!! Who comes up with this crap?

So we fast forward to yesterday when we are dining on burgers and fries after an early day of E-Learning, and I ask the question, “Do you ever feel pressured by me, your Dad or your brothers to continue playing basketball or doing anything that you don’t want to do?” Her response was simple, “NO! I like basketball. In fact, I love basketball. I know that you guys want me to do well and I want that too, but its hard. Sometimes really hard!” The conversation continued as we talked about the physical nature of the sport along with the physical capacity of life. As we continued talking, I got to thinking, “Am I a disappointment to her?”

The attitude I have about my daughter is not so different than the attitude my mom likely had of me although translated quite differently. My daughter is very much the “No Nonsense Confident Tough Kid”. She is a true mix of her father and me. I don’t expect her to be submissive to the expectations of our past generations, but I do want her to be aware of them. I hope that she can chart a path for herself where she dictates the outcome without the negative influence of others. I hope that she questions those things and those people that make her uncertain or uncomfortable. I want her to be able to recognize fraudulent behavior as it affects her. I don’t revel in the era of unyielding obedience, but in a period where you can identify genuine sensitivity that supports your personal growth. Challenge the ideas and concepts that others place in front of you with the same determination as you have for pounding the ball to the hardwood. Be tenacious in your fight for yourself and the things you believe to be purposeful. Know when and what to accept as good for you and those you love. Know your worth. Not in the sense of your worth as it equates to benefits of others, but as it represents who you are in the presence of this world.

Understand that I will always represent you in the best and most powerful capacity I have within me. Know that the love and life we share ascends beyond the perceptions of others. I hope that I have the ability to teach you a strength and confidence you can only find in your faith and your relationship with Your Higher Power that allows you to reach beyond the limits that others will place upon you because of your gender, your race, your age, your upbringing and any other YOUR that makes you the dynamic young woman that you are becoming.

I am forever grateful to be your Mom!

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